420 ftw
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
