she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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