Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
