FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
