bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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