you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
