the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
