it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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