I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want nice things and good sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
