i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
