Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
