I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
