I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize
