a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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