i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize