the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the condom got lost in my hair
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
