Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
