she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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