I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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