new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
