He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
