I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
