I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
