I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
