I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
