You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
