we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
