ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
