I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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