We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
