its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
