Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
