Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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