Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
