***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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