heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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