Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
