who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
