I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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