you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
