I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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