Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
