You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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