you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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