You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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