ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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