I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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