dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize