I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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