I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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