HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
