Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
