it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
