guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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