you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
