he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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