She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
