4 words: hood of his car
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
