there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
