in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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