somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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