He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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