You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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