sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
