i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
