Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
