I've blown a few things in my day
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
