Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
