sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
