About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
