Screwed.edu
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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