So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
